[C320-list] Tool Definitions

[Jack McDonough]

These definitions alone are worth the year's association dues.



----- Original Message ----- 
From: "John Frost" <john at frostnet.net>
To: <c320-list at catalina320.org>
Sent: Tuesday, December 08, 2009 12:02 PM
Subject: [C320-list] Tool Definitions


> When I got this I couldn't help but think about my fellow DIY boaters.
>
> (I've done all of these)
>
>
>
> Happy Sailing!
>
>
>
> John
>
> 2007 C320MKII
>
> Hull 1118
>
> Guntersville, AL
>
>
>
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>
>
>
>
> So true and only understood by a few nowadays:
>
> =======================================
>
> DRILL PRESS:
> A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal
> bar stock out of your hands so that it  smacks you in the chest
> and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted
> project which you had carefully set in the  corner where nothing could
> get to it.
>
> WIRE WHEEL:
> Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the
> workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and
> hard-earned calluses from fingers in  about the time it takes
> you to say, 'Oh sh --'
>
> SKILL SAW:
> A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
>
> PLIERS:
> Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
> blood-blisters.
>
> BELT SANDER:
> An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up
> jobs into  major refinishing jobs.
>
> HACKSAW:
> One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
> principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked,
> unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, 
> the
> more dismal your future becomes.
>
> VISE-GRIPS:
> Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads.
> If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer
> intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
>
> OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
> Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in
> your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the
> wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..
>
> TABLE SAW:
> A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
> projectiles for testing wall integrity.
>
> HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
> Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have
> installed  your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly
> under the  bumper.
>
> BAND SAW:
> A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut
> good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily  fit
> into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead
> of the outside edge.
>
> TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
> A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything
> you forgot to  disconnect.
>
> PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
> Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening
> old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your
> shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip  out Phillips
> screw heads.
>
> STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
> A tool for opening paint cans... Sometimes used to convert common
> slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your
> palms.
>
> PRY BAR:
> A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
> bracket you needed to remove in  order to replace a 50 cent
> part.
>
> HOSE CUTTER:
> A tool used to make hoses too short.
>
> HAMMER:
> Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
> used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive
> parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
>
> UTILITY KNIFE:
> Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons
> delivered to your  front door; works particularly well on
> contents such as seats, vinyl records,  liquids in plastic bottles,
> collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or  plastic parts.
> Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
>
> Son of a b**** TOOL:
> Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while
> yelling 'Son of a b****' at the top of your lungs.   Used in
> conjunction with any of the other tools and processes above.   It is
> also, most often, the next tool that you will need  right afterwards .
>
>
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>