[C320-list] Tool Definitions

[Chris Burti]

I demand to know who it is that has been spying on me in my workshop!!!!

On Tue, Dec 8, 2009 at 4:55 PM, Jack McDonough <mcdonough5 at verizon.net>wrote:

> These definitions alone are worth the year's association dues.
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message ----- From: "John Frost" <john at frostnet.net>
> To: <c320-list at catalina320.org>
> Sent: Tuesday, December 08, 2009 12:02 PM
> Subject: [C320-list] Tool Definitions
>
>
>
> When I got this I couldn't help but think about my fellow DIY boaters.
>>
>> (I've done all of these)
>>
>>
>>
>> Happy Sailing!
>>
>>
>>
>> John
>>
>> 2007 C320MKII
>>
>> Hull 1118
>>
>> Guntersville, AL
>>
>>
>>
>> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> So true and only understood by a few nowadays:
>>
>> =======================================
>>
>> DRILL PRESS:
>> A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal
>> bar stock out of your hands so that it  smacks you in the chest
>> and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted
>> project which you had carefully set in the  corner where nothing could
>> get to it.
>>
>> WIRE WHEEL:
>> Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the
>> workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and
>> hard-earned calluses from fingers in  about the time it takes
>> you to say, 'Oh sh --'
>>
>> SKILL SAW:
>> A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
>>
>> PLIERS:
>> Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
>> blood-blisters.
>>
>> BELT SANDER:
>> An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up
>> jobs into  major refinishing jobs.
>>
>> HACKSAW:
>> One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
>> principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked,
>> unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course,
>> the
>> more dismal your future becomes.
>>
>> VISE-GRIPS:
>> Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads.
>> If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer
>> intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
>>
>> OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
>> Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in
>> your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the
>> wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..
>>
>> TABLE SAW:
>> A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
>> projectiles for testing wall integrity.
>>
>> HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
>> Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have
>> installed  your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly
>> under the  bumper.
>>
>> BAND SAW:
>> A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut
>> good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily  fit
>> into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead
>> of the outside edge.
>>
>> TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
>> A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything
>> you forgot to  disconnect.
>>
>> PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
>> Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening
>> old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your
>> shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip  out Phillips
>> screw heads.
>>
>> STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
>> A tool for opening paint cans... Sometimes used to convert common
>> slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your
>> palms.
>>
>> PRY BAR:
>> A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
>> bracket you needed to remove in  order to replace a 50 cent
>> part.
>>
>> HOSE CUTTER:
>> A tool used to make hoses too short.
>>
>> HAMMER:
>> Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
>> used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive
>> parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
>>
>> UTILITY KNIFE:
>> Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons
>> delivered to your  front door; works particularly well on
>> contents such as seats, vinyl records,  liquids in plastic bottles,
>> collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or  plastic parts.
>> Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
>>
>> Son of a b**** TOOL:
>> Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while
>> yelling 'Son of a b****' at the top of your lungs.   Used in
>> conjunction with any of the other tools and processes above.   It is
>> also, most often, the next tool that you will need  right afterwards .
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>


-- 
Chris Burti Farmville, NC