[C320-list] Tool Definitions

[Chris Burti]

Unfortunately...or fortunately, depending on your perspective...I know
that... The question is, Art (Alex for you kiddies out there)..."Who knows
what evil lurks in the hearts of men?"

On Tue, Dec 8, 2009 at 10:59 PM, Jane & Ken <obuoy4848 at sbcglobal.net> wrote:

> ONLY THE SHADOW KNOWS!    (hope you are old enough to understand)
>
> --- On Tue, 12/8/09, Chris Burti <clburti at gmail.com> wrote:
>
>
> From: Chris Burti <clburti at gmail.com>
> Subject: Re: [C320-list] Tool Definitions
> To: C320-List at catalina320.com
> Date: Tuesday, December 8, 2009, 9:41 PM
>
>
> I demand to know who it is that has been spying on me in my workshop!!!!
>
> On Tue, Dec 8, 2009 at 4:55 PM, Jack McDonough <mcdonough5 at verizon.net
> >wrote:
>
> > These definitions alone are worth the year's association dues.
> >
> >
> >
> > ----- Original Message ----- From: "John Frost" <john at frostnet.net>
> > To: <c320-list at catalina320.org>
> > Sent: Tuesday, December 08, 2009 12:02 PM
> > Subject: [C320-list] Tool Definitions
> >
> >
> >
> > When I got this I couldn't help but think about my fellow DIY boaters.
> >>
> >> (I've done all of these)
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> Happy Sailing!
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> John
> >>
> >> 2007 C320MKII
> >>
> >> Hull 1118
> >>
> >> Guntersville, AL
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> So true and only understood by a few nowadays:
> >>
> >> =======================================
> >>
> >> DRILL PRESS:
> >> A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal
> >> bar stock out of your hands so that it  smacks you in the chest
> >> and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted
> >> project which you had carefully set in the  corner where nothing could
> >> get to it.
> >>
> >> WIRE WHEEL:
> >> Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the
> >> workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and
> >> hard-earned calluses from fingers in  about the time it takes
> >> you to say, 'Oh sh --'
> >>
> >> SKILL SAW:
> >> A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
> >>
> >> PLIERS:
> >> Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
> >> blood-blisters.
> >>
> >> BELT SANDER:
> >> An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up
> >> jobs into  major refinishing jobs.
> >>
> >> HACKSAW:
> >> One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
> >> principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked,
> >> unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course,
> >> the
> >> more dismal your future becomes.
> >>
> >> VISE-GRIPS:
> >> Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads.
> >> If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer
> >> intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
> >>
> >> OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
> >> Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in
> >> your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the
> >> wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..
> >>
> >> TABLE SAW:
> >> A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
> >> projectiles for testing wall integrity.
> >>
> >> HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
> >> Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have
> >> installed  your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly
> >> under the  bumper.
> >>
> >> BAND SAW:
> >> A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut
> >> good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily  fit
> >> into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead
> >> of the outside edge.
> >>
> >> TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
> >> A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything
> >> you forgot to  disconnect.
> >>
> >> PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
> >> Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening
> >> old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your
> >> shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip  out Phillips
> >> screw heads.
> >>
> >> STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
> >> A tool for opening paint cans... Sometimes used to convert common
> >> slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your
> >> palms.
> >>
> >> PRY BAR:
> >> A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
> >> bracket you needed to remove in  order to replace a 50 cent
> >> part.
> >>
> >> HOSE CUTTER:
> >> A tool used to make hoses too short.
> >>
> >> HAMMER:
> >> Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
> >> used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive
> >> parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
> >>
> >> UTILITY KNIFE:
> >> Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons
> >> delivered to your  front door; works particularly well on
> >> contents such as seats, vinyl records,  liquids in plastic bottles,
> >> collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or  plastic parts.
> >> Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
> >>
> >> Son of a b**** TOOL:
> >> Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while
> >> yelling 'Son of a b****' at the top of your lungs.   Used in
> >> conjunction with any of the other tools and processes above.   It is
> >> also, most often, the next tool that you will need  right afterwards .
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >
>
>
> --
> Chris Burti Farmville, NC
>



-- 
Chris Burti Farmville, NC